by Elaina Lyons

You know — the if onlys. And let me tell you, there are tons of them.

The if onlys have a lot in common with the what ifs. Both questions are relatively unhelpful. Both are rooted in a sort of victim mentality. And both leave you with more questions than answers.

The thing is, getting caught up in the if onlys and the what ifs only serves to pull us in the wrong direction. After all, the more time we spend in the why me? headspace, the less time we have to actually make shit happen.

So, I’m trying something different.

Whenever I get caught up in the if onlys, I try to switch the narrative to how can I?

It goes something like this:

If only my book was a bestseller. → How can I make my book a bestseller?

If only some crazy famous influencer managed to get their hands on my book and promoted it like crazy, and bam! I hit it big. → How can I get my book in the hands of people who will promote it for me?

If only I had more time to write. → How can I make more time for writing?

See the difference?

It might seem like a small change, but mentally it can make a world of difference.

So next time you get caught up in a case of the if onlys, switch it up and ask yourself How can I…? You might be surprised by the result.

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